Hi, I’m Samual Hieronymous Hallows

Thanks a bunch for stopping in to learn a little about me.

If you’ve gotten this far, you know I’m a photographer, and you know what you think of the work I’ve got posted here. You know the gist of my pricing, and you know how to check my availability.

But what else should I talk about?

*makes vague nervous clicking and inhaling sounds*

It’s always so weird talking non-contextually about myself. I feel like I’m something akin to the human version of the, “if you had been there, you’d think that was funny” joke.

They say that an info-dump is just bad writing. That a creative should show and not tell. And honestly, that would be easier. If you just saw samples of my work and that was enough for you. But it’s probably not enough, and I get that.

I’d want to know things about somebody that I was going to have to work with.

Below the fold you can follow along as I fill you in.

The Obvious

Why do I take pictures?

The short answer is that it’s the closest thing to magic that I’ll likely ever get to do. What can I say? When you’re a muggle/no-maj, you take what you can get.

The long answer is that from the moment I went into that very first darkroom, I felt like I belonged somewhere. I’ve been an awful lot of things; none of them stuck. But in the amber light, I was both artist and mad scientist. I mixed chemicals. I waved my hands about, chasing the right light without being able to see more than a shadow. I waited as developer burned image to paper. I was an alchemist, and I loved every second of it.

I soon found out that taking the pictures could be as enjoyable as printing them. I made the transition to digital. I can’t say that I’ve never looked back, though. I look forward to the day when I can set up my own darkroom and get back to my roots. That being said, I’ll never let this new digital alchemy go. The ability to persuade colors to behave as I please is just too fun.

These days, most of my work revolves around making people smile (even if “people” is sometimes just me). I’m either trying to get you to cheese for your shot, or grin about the results.

Branding

Why 3435?

Because math. And capitalism. And a misrepresented 18th century German nobleman.

First, the math:

(3^3)+(4^4)+(3^3)+(5^5)=3435

Every digit in sequence raised by itself, then added together, equals the number itself. It’s called a Munchausen number (or perfect digit-to-digit invariant), and 3435 is the only one we have in our base ten number system.

Next, the capitalism:

The idea of “pulling oneself up by one’s bootstraps”—the quintessential cry to make something of yourself with few resources—is, albeit debatably, attributed to Baron Munchausen’s story about lifting both himself and his horse from a bog by simply pulling up on his own ponytail.

He told the story as tongue-in-cheek absurd.

That must’ve got lost in translation somewhere along the way.

Finally, the nobleman:

Hieronymus Karl Friedrich von Munchhausen gained renown as a storyteller following his return from the Russo-Austro-Turkish War. So much so, that any noble traveling near his residence would find excuse to stop in to hear of his fantastical escapades. He spoke of utterly impossible things as if they were mundane because he understood a tendency in people, a disposition toward the marvelous.

So, when it came time to start a business in a capitalistic society, I thought of Baron Munchausen pulling himself up, and the storytelling he was known for, and how I wanted to tell marvelous visual stories with my images.

And a number sounded pretty classy and looked nice on my business cards.

The Important Stuff

I’m filled with random information, want to see?

Wondering why my face is all over my site, but always obscured somehow?

Have you heard the idiom, the shoemaker’s children always go barefoot? Well, it’s like that.

Also, do you remember Wilson, from Home Improvement? He had a PhD in Forgotten Languages and Cultures. I am a mere logastellus by comparison.

I’m a Starburst®. That is, a walking contradiction.

Want a new favorite animal? Here’s mine: the desert rain frog. They are absolutely adorable.

I aspire to one day be the kind of person that Sam Rockwell wants to play in my biopic.

One of those off-the-wall interview questions that’s supposed to reveal things about your personality asks what superpower you’d want between flight and invisibility.

They say if you pick flight, you’re a leader. Invisibility, a follower.

Joke’s on anyone to ever ask me that, because my superpower would be to back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone’s left shoes.

Are you very familiar with malaphors? No matter, we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it. Perhaps from both ends.